The wrong Mary

by Mary Paterson

My email address is my name at gmail dot com. I do not have an unusual name. A lot of people who know someone else called Mary Paterson assume that that person has my email address. In other words, I’ve been getting the wrong people’s emails, regularly, for the last 7 or 8 years. I always reply to point out the mistake, but rarely receive a response. This is a selection of the emails I have received. (Names have been changed).

7th January 2015

Hi Mary
I have lost all my inbox. Can you please let me know if you receive this.
Love Sophie

3rd September 2012

Hey guys,
Gaby went to emergency today, I met up with her and with her at the hospital now. They just got it out. I will see her in an hour.
Just wanted to keep you in the loop.
Love, Brad

12th July 2010

I am replying to you at last. Feeling much better this week ,Ithought it wood be much clearer to grasp. WRONG

Jimmy Bloom.

25th January 2011

I picked up Annabelle tonight at 1AM and she is back from the dominican republic safe and sound and the skin infection looks gone. She had a good time and saw a different part of the world. I’m super glad she’s home. love, missy

21st October 2013

Dear Mary Paterson,

I wanted to thank you again for having Michael and I over for a consultation on Saturday morning it was a delight to share time with you and your chickens, and we are excited to work with you on some cool projects,  Michael will be working on your design during his free time from other projects this week and next and we will have the 4 separate estimates for you that we talked about:

  1.  arbor for grape on both sides of fence
  2. Extended Arbor option
  3. short Hog wire fence between neighbors
  4. a basic chicken run that allows more space for chickens and head room for yourself.
  5.  also a price range for one of our exquisite chicken manors.

As we talked about cost wise it is usually more affordable to find a used coop on craigslist, or to purchase a standardized coop from an operation who have a workshop set up for their model.    but if you would like to explore hiring us to do a one of a kind artisanal coop tailored to your personal aestheic. we do enjoy getting to do that.

Look forward to talking with you again soon.


23rd November 2016

This notice is from CHRISTIAN JOSEPHSON who is currently residing in Vernon jail. This is an informational email to let you know of the different options available for communication with CHRISTIAN JOSEPHSON. Several services offered by the jail:

Click Here

The following options are available at Inmate Canteen.

* Not all options are active at every facility. To find out which options are available, create a user and login to the website.

24th November 2016

Hay mom  Just wondering if ur able to reseve this message if so i need u to figure out how to text me back so i can sind u messages and it will be a slitly cheeper then calling u and i stilll can talk to u to stay sain

Christian Josephson

13th April 2016

Hi ​Mary Paterson

Erica told me about your order (thanks!) so I am following up with pricing and scheduling.​  We are out of island coops but are making some next week so should be able to deliver this in about 10 days or so…  We do of course have the one at the store we could sell.  Incidentally, did you want the door to the coop and run on the side as the one at the store or the opposite side?  Also did you want an anti-tunneling skirt or mesh floor on the ground?   I understand this is a 10’ run that starts at the face of the coop, not including the coop.  Did you want the area under the coop meshed in as well or left open and just a mesh wall below the face of the coop between the legs below the egg-shaped cutout?

$495 Island Coop (specify roof color if no preference then galvalume)

$55 Single exterior nest box

–$20 option for painted nest box (red)

$432 10’x4’ 4’ tall run = 24 linear feet @ $18/LF

$48 run access door

–$80 option for mesh ceiling over run –or-

–$128 option for metal roof over run

$60 local delivery

–$89 option – mesh in area underneath coop

Thanks, Terrence​

25th November 2016

Hay call grams to put some money on her phone so i cn call her so i dont have to spind what i have left to call her and i need u to sind me a messige so i no ur gitting my messeges im going to call u around 9 so pleaz  Awnser my calls or at lest tern ur phone up so u can heir ur phone i love you guys

Christian Josephson

 9th September 2012

Gaby’s feeling better! She plans to go to school for Tuesday.

Thanks for all the support!



22nd December 2015

Holy Shit, what a bitch

Judy Jones

8th January 2013

Hello Ladies

This is your reminder that hockey is back tomorrow Jan. 8th @ 8pm

See you there.

Cindy and Debz 

12th October 2012

Gaby and I have decided to come back to Canada!
Love you guys,

10th January 2010

Dear Mary and Adrian,

I thought I would drop you a line before I lose your email address!  Happy New Year to you both.  How are you doing these days and what are you up to work wise Mary?  I know that it is a long time since we met but at that point you were reviewing your career and looking at law.  Have you finished your studies now?  And what about Adrian?  What is he up to and where is he working?


We still have Max but unfortunately Alice died at the end of September after a brief and sudden illness.  I really miss her and poor Harry was lost for a while but is doing well now.  He is 15 ½ which is a good age.

We are currently enjoying the snow and the children are hoping that school will be cancelled tomorrow but it looks unlikely at this point.  We have had loads of snow and I think you have too haven’t you?


It would be lovely to hear from you and I hope that this email finds you both well and happy.

Lots of love,

Juliax x

26th Feb 2013

Hi Mary,

Couldn’t help but wonder if you baby came, and how you are doing whatever you status!

It’s been such fun seeing you in a different phase of life, and especially at the church we have grown to love.

Hope you can eventually make some more M & M’s meetings.  As you could see, lots of moms bring their itty bitty ones, but

I know there are many variables!

Hugs,  Hilary

 23rd August 2015

Hi mom,

I made a donation to the youth law center in your name for your birthday–it’s a national nonprofit that helps kids going through the system. Here’s their website:


 9th October 2016

I would like to purchase your tractor.  Please call John at 254 624 6727

9th July 2013

Hey Mary,

Can you please pick up Mom’s pay stub from her to scan or take a focussed picture with your iPhone and send to me via email? I just emailed her to tell her that you will do this at your convenience. Please communicate with Mom to confirm where she put it so you do not waste any of your time.



19th May 2014

This is Mom and twin Gilian


12th April 2014

Hi Mary,

This is Fran from Seattle’s Restorative Justice Initiative. It was great to meet you yesterday!

I look forward to seeing you again on Monday!

All the best,


28th November 2016

Dear Mary, I’m so sorry to have been a nuisance. My wife Mary ‘s address is so similar to yours!!!!. Could you please shred the attachment to the email I inadvertently sent to you which is a draft for my autobiography so it of no interest outside the family. Again, so sorry to have been a pest. Yours sincerely, A Paterson





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